Thursday, March 29, 2007
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Sex Tape
It seems like everyone these days has a sex tape of their very own. In fact, within a couple days, I will be coming out with my very own well-lit, full costume, "secret" sex tape that will catapult me to stardom within the next week. (j/k). Kim Kardashian's sex tape is clearly an attempt to make her the next star. The video is well-lit and she is in full make-up. Many of the parts that show entry are dim in just the right places. In fact, it seems like Kim went and asked around to some D-list stars to find someone who wouldn't mind showing their cash and prizes to the world. Ray-J is very well endowed and hasn't had a "hit" in...well never. His claim to fame is his sister Brandy. Back to the video, the link is below. Feel free to check it out, but be warned--she chews gum through the whole thing. Also, the dialog consists of "ooooh baby, that feels so good in my ..."
http://www.crazydaysandnights.net/2007/03/kim-kardashian-video-no-downloading.html
http://www.crazydaysandnights.net/2007/03/kim-kardashian-video-no-downloading.html
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
25 thoughts to get you through any crisis
1) Indecision is the key to flexibility.
2) You cannot tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
3) There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
4) Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
5) Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
6) Sometimes too much drink is not enough.
7) The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
8) The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
9) Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
10) Things are more like they are today than they ever have been before.
11) Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
12) Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
13) Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
14) I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
15) Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
16) All things being equal, fat people use more soap.
17) If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
18) One-seventh of you life is spent on Monday.
19) By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
20) Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
21) The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.
22) There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
23) This is as bad as it can get, but don't bet on it.
24) Never wrestle with a pig: You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it.
25) The trouble with life is, you're halfway through it before you realize it's a "do it yourself" thing.
2) You cannot tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
3) There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
4) Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
5) Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
6) Sometimes too much drink is not enough.
7) The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
8) The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
9) Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
10) Things are more like they are today than they ever have been before.
11) Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
12) Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
13) Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
14) I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
15) Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
16) All things being equal, fat people use more soap.
17) If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
18) One-seventh of you life is spent on Monday.
19) By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
20) Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
21) The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.
22) There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
23) This is as bad as it can get, but don't bet on it.
24) Never wrestle with a pig: You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it.
25) The trouble with life is, you're halfway through it before you realize it's a "do it yourself" thing.
Friday, March 2, 2007
Warning: This is a funny, but crude, post from Craigslist
One of the worst experiences in law school has been the ritual of submitting applications for summer employment and then going through a series of 20-minute screening interviews that would put a marine drill sergeant to shame when it comes to humiliating and dehumanizing you. Here are my top-ten (least) favorite questions, and how I actually answered them as opposed to how I would have liked to answer them.
1. Why are you interested in this firm?
What I said: Your firm handled (insert name of case I read on their website) which I found to be exciting because it was just like another case I was reading in this class I got an A in. I've also asked some (read: none) upper class-men about your office and they said it's a great work environment.
What I thought: I looked through your attorney roster and saw that you hire people who do not appear to have any honors and come from bad law schools. That made me think that I have a chance to work here.
2. Why did you go to law school?
What I said: I went to law school because I want to be able to make a difference. Legal work allows me to be competitive and to work for justice, both of which are important things in my life.
What I thought: That's a good question, and I ask myself it daily. I'd have to say the answer is, stupidity.
3. Do you think your grades are an accurate reflection of the kind of work you will do as an attorney?
What I said: Law school has been a challenge, and I think my grades reflect that. More important than my grades, which by the way have steadily improved over my academic career, is my dedication to the work I do. My performance during my summer jobs is the best indicator of how I will work, and you will find that my previous employers were all pleased with me (or at least forgot who I am and so will not remember the fuck ups).
What I thought: My grades are absolutely a good reflection of how I will work. I will put in the minimum amount of effort needed to not get fired, and I will approach my job with contempt and disinterest.
4. What would you say is your greatest weakness?
What I said: My greatest weakness is that I get too personally involved with my work. For instance, when I am working on trial prep, and then the case settles favorably, I feel as though it should have gone to trial anyway, despite knowing that the settlement is what's best for our firm and our client.
What I thought: Pussy. If there are any females in your office, you can be certain I will work twice as hard to get into their pants as I will to make my billables. And yes, since you require us to bill 1,900 hours, that means I will be sexually harassing my co-workers 3,800 hours a year.
5. Tell us about a recent mistake that you have made.
What I said: I accidentally misfiled a case at work that was set to go to trial the next week. As soon as I realized this, I alerted my supervisor and disaster was averted.
What I thought: An even bigger mistake I've made has been wasting 20 minutes of my life in this interview instead of taking a dump, that would have been much more satisfying and productive.
6. What do you do for fun?
What I said: I enjoy jogging, skydiving, and traveling to exotic countries.
What I thought: When I really want to have fun, I grab my "Big Butt Sluts # 24" DVD, a bottle of Bourbon, and a bottle of lube. By the end of the night, both bottles are empty, and my room smells like jizz and puke.
7. Tell us about your style of leadership.
What I said: I lead by taking the initiative and working proactively with my peers to come up with solutions.
What I thought: I lead by playing "The Eye of the Tiger" on a boombox while pounding my fist on the table and shouting insults. (It works, I've done it)
8. If you don't get hired by this firm, what will you do?
What I said: I will analyze what I could have done better during the interview and take that knowledge with me into my next interview with [rival firm name].
What I thought: I will breathe a sigh of relief that I won't be working for an asshole like you. Or I will stalk you and slit your throat. I haven't decided yet.
9. Do you have any questions for us?
What I said: Will I have a key so that I can come in and work on the weekends?
What I thought: Will I have a key so that I can come in and have sex with my girlfriend on my desk on the weekends?
10. We value creativity among our associates. With that in mind, what kind of plant would you be, and why?
What I said: I would be a tree, because they are tall, strong, and live a long life.
What I thought: I would be a tree, so that I could fall on you and kill you
1. Why are you interested in this firm?
What I said: Your firm handled (insert name of case I read on their website) which I found to be exciting because it was just like another case I was reading in this class I got an A in. I've also asked some (read: none) upper class-men about your office and they said it's a great work environment.
What I thought: I looked through your attorney roster and saw that you hire people who do not appear to have any honors and come from bad law schools. That made me think that I have a chance to work here.
2. Why did you go to law school?
What I said: I went to law school because I want to be able to make a difference. Legal work allows me to be competitive and to work for justice, both of which are important things in my life.
What I thought: That's a good question, and I ask myself it daily. I'd have to say the answer is, stupidity.
3. Do you think your grades are an accurate reflection of the kind of work you will do as an attorney?
What I said: Law school has been a challenge, and I think my grades reflect that. More important than my grades, which by the way have steadily improved over my academic career, is my dedication to the work I do. My performance during my summer jobs is the best indicator of how I will work, and you will find that my previous employers were all pleased with me (or at least forgot who I am and so will not remember the fuck ups).
What I thought: My grades are absolutely a good reflection of how I will work. I will put in the minimum amount of effort needed to not get fired, and I will approach my job with contempt and disinterest.
4. What would you say is your greatest weakness?
What I said: My greatest weakness is that I get too personally involved with my work. For instance, when I am working on trial prep, and then the case settles favorably, I feel as though it should have gone to trial anyway, despite knowing that the settlement is what's best for our firm and our client.
What I thought: Pussy. If there are any females in your office, you can be certain I will work twice as hard to get into their pants as I will to make my billables. And yes, since you require us to bill 1,900 hours, that means I will be sexually harassing my co-workers 3,800 hours a year.
5. Tell us about a recent mistake that you have made.
What I said: I accidentally misfiled a case at work that was set to go to trial the next week. As soon as I realized this, I alerted my supervisor and disaster was averted.
What I thought: An even bigger mistake I've made has been wasting 20 minutes of my life in this interview instead of taking a dump, that would have been much more satisfying and productive.
6. What do you do for fun?
What I said: I enjoy jogging, skydiving, and traveling to exotic countries.
What I thought: When I really want to have fun, I grab my "Big Butt Sluts # 24" DVD, a bottle of Bourbon, and a bottle of lube. By the end of the night, both bottles are empty, and my room smells like jizz and puke.
7. Tell us about your style of leadership.
What I said: I lead by taking the initiative and working proactively with my peers to come up with solutions.
What I thought: I lead by playing "The Eye of the Tiger" on a boombox while pounding my fist on the table and shouting insults. (It works, I've done it)
8. If you don't get hired by this firm, what will you do?
What I said: I will analyze what I could have done better during the interview and take that knowledge with me into my next interview with [rival firm name].
What I thought: I will breathe a sigh of relief that I won't be working for an asshole like you. Or I will stalk you and slit your throat. I haven't decided yet.
9. Do you have any questions for us?
What I said: Will I have a key so that I can come in and work on the weekends?
What I thought: Will I have a key so that I can come in and have sex with my girlfriend on my desk on the weekends?
10. We value creativity among our associates. With that in mind, what kind of plant would you be, and why?
What I said: I would be a tree, because they are tall, strong, and live a long life.
What I thought: I would be a tree, so that I could fall on you and kill you
Thursday, March 1, 2007
Anna Nicole's Funeral
The body of Anna Nicole Smith is set to be buried in the Bahamas tomorrow, Friday. Anna Nicole Smith will be buried in a custom-made gown next to her 20-year-old son following an "over the top" memorial service. There will be over 300 guests and huge pink flowers. Also, a well-known, undisclosed singer will perform.
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